Another day from hell

First of all sorry for my pathetic rambling about how much my life sucks but you know... binging can kill you mentally & physically.

So today i had school...and everything went fine! i was so hungry this morning that i ate porridge and then i skipped lunch at school as usual and it was all good until... i got home. i worked out a little bit. and was just about to go shopping when my mom went: BELLA YOU MUST EAT BLAHBLAHBLAH I MADE A SALAD FOR YOU WITH 0 CALORIES (yeah right) and i have some eggs blahblahblah
I really tried to resist. But i was a little hungry after 9 hours of not eating so i gave in... i fucking gave in... and i ate all of it. then when my mom went out of the kitchen i opened the frigde like a fucking maniac and i found some ICE CREAM in there. needless to say... one ice cream was gone after like 1 min. then i went shopping with tears in my eyes that i hided behing some sunglasses. i met my best friend on my way to the city. how ironic. i've never met my friends after binging so i felt so ashamed but all i could do was fake a smile. then when i came home i screwed it up again and now i've eaten:
smoothie with milk in it...:'(
marshmallows?! WHAT THE HELL
salad
one piece of apple pie
2 ice creams

I'm becoming really bulimic or maybe a binge eater. i'm not even able to purge anymore!!!!!!!!!! i want my ana back. i know she's somewhere out there waiting for me...

I wanna die right now by the way. My stomach is so full that i'm going to explode. I really feel sick. And i have school tomorrow. FUCK MY LIFE. FUCK IT. And i also have cheerleading practise tomorrow. so all the skinny cheerleaders in my team will se me as a fat cheerleader bitch. awesome!!!! this binging thing will kill me. kill.

Well tomorrow i'm really really gonna fast. See... i always say "tomorrow". but this time i fucking mean it. i will write here when i wake up, when i come home from school, when i'm going to cheerleading practise & when i get home.
Guys...if you feel like binging. Please don't do it. It's not worth it. Food = satan

By the way.. thank you for your nice lovely comments :) thanks for sticking out with me. i'm having a tough period in my life right now....
xx
Bella